Assertive Indifference: What Is It And How Does It Work?
Assertive indifference is a new expression that was first used in the field of relationships. However, the concept has been applied to other areas little by little. It has proven to be a useful way to deal with different situations.
Assertive indifference is a behavior that purposely blocks any type of external response in a given situation. You act like you don’t care and it doesn’t affect you in any way. It’s a kind of simulated behavior, because the goal isn’t to reveal to the other person what you really feel.
When people use assertive indifference, they try not to expose their real emotions to the other person. In principle, it may seem like a sham or a bit of manipulation. However, it is the exact opposite. The idea is not to show any weaknesses so that others can’t manipulate you when some kind of power play is going on. That’s why we added the word “assertive” to this kind of indifference.
Assertive indifference in your love life
Our love lives can be like a rose garden at times, but at other times it can also feel like a battlefield. Power games are often played in it. We’re not just talking about the male chauvinism that can be found all over the world. The woman also uses her power in many situations.
In a relationship, the partners often try to poll each other. One or both want to see how much influence they have on the other. This happens especially at the beginning of the relationship. It also happens when the relationship ends and things are still uncertain and when one of the two wants to see what the chances are to try again.
It’s like some kind of emotional arm wrestling, and in these cases assertive indifference can be a good option. You act like you don’t feel anything for the other person, either to prevent your ex-partner from manipulating you, or to avoid restarting a relationship you’ve ended. It is not a deception as such, but rather a tactic to achieve a higher goal.
Assertive indifference and contradictory ties
Assertive indifference is also an appropriate response when we are in constant conflict with certain people. An example is a colleague with whom you always have disagreements, which always leaves a bad taste in your mouth. You already know that he will never change. For some reason, that person always seems to seek conflict with you.
If you can see that dialogue is impossible, the best option left is assertive indifference. It means not giving in to provocations, ignoring abusive comments and you end up cutting yourself off from them. The goal is not to answer what they say to you. They are things that in the end just make the whole situation worse.
Over time, assertive indifference becomes a valid way to neutralize the objectionable behavior of the other person. If they see that they are getting nowhere in the ridiculous game they are playing, sooner or later they will give up that kind of behavior.
A tool to overcome situations
Assertive indifference can also be applied to our daily conflicts. Differences with other people are a part of life. Usually such differences are really unimportant. However, sometimes they lead to more serious confrontations. Somehow we constantly have to decide whether to move on or not.
Part of assertiveness is deciding in which situations to move forward. This assertiveness is exactly what enables you to effectively defend your rights. To end psychological abuse. But to do it effectively, you must learn to distinguish when your rights are threatened and when they are not.
We should not react to every conflicted situation. We can also just ‘let go’, which is an important part of assertive indifference. It means assessing which response on our part will yield greater benefits and have fewer negative consequences. For example, responding to a drunken person’s aggression is only valid if it really endangers something that is fundamentally good.
Assertive indifference is therefore a tool that can help us deal with different conflict situations, but in an intelligent way. Sometimes the best we can do is do nothing. In fact, the option to do nothing, when appropriate, is exactly what this whole concept aims at.
