Relationship Crises: The Four Different Kinds

A couple is a reality that is continuously built up and broken down (evolution). Just because two people are in love doesn’t mean they won’t experience relationship crises. They will also sometimes argue or conflict. There are a number of times in a long-term relationship when crises are more common.

Every relationship is a world unto itself. It has its own strengths and weaknesses, as well as its own intrinsic conflicts. Likewise  , a relationship crisis, or several, can arise in any relationship. Some types of relationship crises are common. There are times in a relationship when some specific factors appear that make the relationship less stable.

There are four moments of relationship crises in long-term relationships: when the crush is over, when someone makes the decision to make the relationship official, when children are born, and when the children move out. Let’s take a closer look at these moments.

1. Relationship crises – the end of falling in love

This is the first of the common relationship crises. It often happens about a year after the start of the relationship. Research shows that falling in love lasts about three months on average. However, its effects last a little longer. Let’s keep in mind that this is an approximate statistic, talking about averages and not specific cases.

The end of infatuation means a rift in romantic ideals. In other words, we no longer see our partner as perfect or fundamentally special. At the moment we also see all the shortcomings of our partner. This means that we have to adjust our expectations, and that can also mean a crisis. Many couples were the example of perfection at first, but ended the relationship after a year. This is due to the shift from ideal to reality.

2. Making the relationship official

Normally, a new relationship crisis arises after three years. This is when people start thinking about ‘the next step’. That is, the decision to move in together or not. It is again an adjustment that can lead to various relationship crises.

At that point, the relationship can take one of many avenues. In the best case scenario, both partners decide to live together or not. This turns into true acceptance of each other and the transformation into a mature relationship. Others can’t agree on this step. This often leads to the end of the relationship, or at least a certain degree of distance between the partners.

3. Having children

Having children is another factor that requires a restructuring of the relationship. This is one of those times when the cracks in the relationship can become apparent. It is also often a time when old, unresolved conflicts, or even childhood problems, resurface. A stable relationship can still be on shaky ground.

At this stage, the relationship is put in second place because parenthood has now taken the most important role. The children are the priority. Sometimes there is disagreement about upbringing. Other times, one of the partners struggles with the great responsibility that comes with parenthood. It often happens that the inability to deal with these problems brings about the end of the relationship. If the relationship can handle these problems, it becomes a strong family.

4. The Empty Nest and New Challenges

Although the couple has been able to cope with the previous relationship crises, the moment still comes when the children leave home. The partners are now alone again after many years. Both of them have changed a lot over the past few years and they have to get to know each other all over again.

In the past, couples got married earlier, so they weren’t even fifty when the kids left home. In those cases, the couples considered themselves young enough to start over. But now that phase starts later. Therefore,  relationships are less often ended during this phase, but severe relationship crises can arise. Overcoming these problems can lead to rediscovering latent parts of the relationship.

Although both partners can love each other very much, this does not prevent problems from arising in the relationship. Relationship crises in stable relationships are a great opportunity to strengthen the bonds between the partners  and give the relationship more depth and substance.