People Who Can Never Feel Good

There are people who somehow can never feel good. To them, feeling good is almost an allergy or phobia created and perpetuated by mechanisms they are rarely aware of. The feeling itself is a stranger to them. They would rather escape from it rather than explore it. They may have had a difficult childhood, they may be convinced that they do not deserve happiness, or they may have perfectionist tendencies. Whatever the reason, they simply cannot enjoy bliss.

They always feel like they are in danger. As soon as they notice that they get used to the feeling of happiness, they fear that it will immediately disappear. They are unable to imagine life as anything but an eternal struggle or source of pain. If they don’t have to fight for anything, purse their lips, or exert themselves, something is wrong.

Never being able to feel good: happiness that is not mine

Previously, people were more likely to deny their happiness. For example, when a person from a lower social class gained access to a higher social class. Especially if their access was unstable. That person was then not able to enjoy all the privileges that he suddenly had or that made his fortune possible. The idea circulated that “who is born for a dime will never become a quarter.” In other words, the class in which you were born was also the class in which you would die. And change, even if it was positive, was virtually impossible. In many cases this was evident in practice. But it was especially strong mentally.

Some people are wired in such a way that if they have nothing to worry about, they are quite capable of finding a problem on their own. The same thing happens with pain. If we have one major source of pain, we don’t bother solving the smaller sources. There are people who are constantly scanning their bodies because they are constantly afraid that they have a serious illness, such as cancer.

They are people who feel much more comfortable in the role of the victim, of the oppressed, than in the role of winner or leader. That’s why you rarely see them celebrating. They will always find a reason to be sad.

Pity is their most powerful weapon for securing companionship. It’s their comfort and they’re not willing to give it up, even if they can actually feel good too.

Eternal victims who can never feel good

On the other hand, their role as permanent victims gives them a valid justification for breaking certain promises and participating in the pleasures of life. They hide in their little pain or in sadness that never gets tired of avoiding certain things.

How can I worry about others if I feel so bad myself? If I’m the one who always feels bad and has the worst and most tragic problems? What would happen if I helped others and got used to it?

The fear of happiness

Fear. That is the emotion that these people experience. They are afraid of:

• loneliness, afraid of not being independent, afraid of failing others. Afraid of being sad, afraid of dealing with dreams that now seem possible.
• afraid to look down and see how far they can sink, afraid to look up and see how far they can reach.
• their own limits, afraid of appearing stupid.
• the pleasures of life and experiencing good feelings.

All these fears disappear if we numb ourselves to them, if we don’t move too much, if we don’t enjoy too much. When we don’t hope for joy because of the fear of opening a pit we could fall into. We feel better when we are conservative, when we don’t develop expectations, so we don’t let ourselves down. This is something we’ve all done at some point to protect ourselves. It is an attitude that we have even tried to defend several times.

We felt it was an intelligent strategy for dealing with life. But life is a fickle player that constantly changes your cards. In the blink of an eye, leaving you unable to play.

Being able to feel good is only possible when you surrender yourself to the experience. If we have faith in them, no matter what cards life throws at us, we will know how to play them and enjoy that game. It’s about living, not surviving. Mentally, it’s a necessary step, but it’s very hard to assume that enjoying what’s positive won’t do anything to the fortunes that life has in store for us.