You Are The Master Of Your Own Heart

Your heart must have no owner, nor leased parts or lent corners. You are the master of your own heart.  Thanks to your heart, your autonomy will grow. It will pump enough self-love and oxygen for your self-esteem so that you can love yourself to the fullest. And that is what allows you to desire without limitations. To be the master of your own paths and the architect of a dignified life.

Achieving this personal autonomy is not an easy task. Especially if you’re also trying to integrate a sense of intimacy into your relationships. If you look at the most classic and traditional example of romantic relationships, you will realize that autonomy and privacy have been declared incompatible.

You are in charge of your own destiny

No one is completely free from influence when it comes to determining their destiny and charting a path. We are all influenced by certain social, cultural and even ideological norms. To try to understand these influences, it is always a good idea to remember what the studies on individual psychology tell us.

You have to make an effort to bring an authentic dedication to yourself into your life. Both personal autonomy and the ability to decide what you want and don’t want is a basic tenet of psychological well-being. Your well-being deserves a part of your daily efforts. Your heart, conceived as that metaphorical dimension in which your emotions and even your identity are hidden, is a universe that is constantly growing.

Let’s give it a chance to grow so it can take control of itself. But at the same time, your heart must remain humble and sensitive enough to know how to connect with those around you in an authentic way. Because magic can be found within this balance.

You lose your autonomy in small everyday decisions

Forgoing a professional project because your loved one asked you to do it. Breaking up with the love of your life because your parents don’t approve of the relationship. Your hobbies change because your friends always have different plans. Giving up too soon because no one supports your goals…

These are general examples of what it means to deny one’s own dignity, self-esteem and identity. It is important to take this into account. This kind of sabotage doesn’t come exclusively from those around you. In most cases it comes from you. Because you are the master of your own heart.

You are the master of your own heart: don’t blame others

We cannot simply put the blame on the people who try to rein us in to control us. We must take responsibility for ourselves in understanding that we are the ones who give in and indulge in such incarceration and transgression.

At the same time, we must not forget that those who hand over the wheel of their own lives to others do not do so spontaneously. The truth is that it is a daily practice that they voluntarily neglect. Like someone who decides to stop washing or grooming themselves, or brushing their hair or cutting their nails. It is part of our psychological hygiene and a principle of emotional health that we put aside and pass on to others. And of course this is not good.

Our own dignity should not be touched by the hands of another. No one can (or should) sow the seeds of their selfish desires in our hearts or talk us into goals that don’t align with our values. Besides, it doesn’t matter if those hands that are so used to boycotting our identity are the hands of our romantic partner, our parents, or our supposed best friend.

There are parts of ourselves that are private and that no one is allowed to enter. Taking care of the properties that have to do with our being is something that only concerns us. This is a daily form of hygiene that should not be neglected at any time.

Breathe in, count to ten and restore your autonomy in your heart

dr. Carol D. Ryff, of the University of Pennsylvania, is one of the greatest exponents of positive psychology. Between 1989 and 1998 she developed an interesting model of “psychological well-being.” That model remains one of the most enriching contributors to personal growth to this day. It has a lot to do with the health principle we mentioned earlier.

We suggest that you start thinking about the key points to start working on your own emotional and psychological autonomy.

The model of psychological well-being we all need to put into practice

One of the most interesting points in Dr. Ryff, is the point that has to do with neuroscience. When something happens that goes against our values ​​or when someone imposes their opinion or forces us to do something we don’t like, our limbic system reacts immediately.

This cerebral structure related to our emotions acts as a kind of alarm. It’s that inner siren that whispers ‘be careful, something is wrong.’ Immediately, stress and cortisol are released, which flow through our bloodstream. What would be ideal in these cases is if we could recognize that feeling and just count to ten. And that we would then be able to act in accordance with our real needs.

We know it’s not easy. But we can achieve this. Then, little by little, we need to learn how to integrate these principles of psychological well-being into our lives:

• Practice self-acceptance every day.
• Make it a priority to establish positive and enriching relationships with other people. If a specific relationship, be it a friendship or a romantic relationship, doesn’t harmonize with these principles, you should consider making a change.
• Live your life with a clear goal in mind. Also, of course, you have to fight for this goal.
• Invest in your personal growth. Any time is the right time to do this.
• Maintain appropriate control over your own reality. You are in charge of your reality, you guide, decide, initiate, terminate, limit. You are the one who should be responsible for your own decisions.

Finally, we are aware that these strategies cannot be put into practice overnight. It takes willpower, courage and perseverance. However, let’s not forget to apply the most classic remedy of all at times when we feel blocked or find ourselves losing our autonomy. Take a deep breath, count to ten and RESPOND. You are in charge of your own heart, so you also set the rules.