Does “friendship At First Sight” Really Exist?

“Friendship at first sight” is real. However, it is more about laughing together than about the “face.” This friendship arises from that magical  “you too?” It’s a happy coincidence, a friendly crush. It starts with positive exchanges that will become stronger later on thanks to emotional support and above all trust.

We’ve all heard of love at first sight. That’s when physical attraction and the ever-mysterious yet undeniable power of our neurotransmitters come together. Psychologists in personality have recently wondered if something similar happens with friendship.

For example, let’s think about all the social scenarios we navigate through every day: in the workplace, in the classroom, in apartment buildings, gyms, at parties, on public transport… Is an exchange of glances with a stranger really all that matters? is necessary to know that they can be a good friend? Can first impressions give us reliable, accurate clues?

A group of social psychologists has explored the same hypothesis. They published their study in the journal  Social Psychological and Personality Science. The results were fascinating. For example, it became clear that the “friendly crush” exists. We quickly form a judgment of what kind of friends the people around us will be. We base these assessments on small hints and subtle nuances.

Obviously our reviews are not completely correct. However, that “feeling,” coming from our somewhat side impressions, is usually correct or at least 70% of the time. For psychologists and sociologists, friendship is as captivating as love and perhaps even more captivating.

Certain forces make us feel attracted to one type of person and not another. That shapes our social identity. We all have a desire to surround ourselves with personalities similar to our own.

“Friendship at first sight” happens every day

“Friendship at first sight” happens every day. The anxious child experiences it on his first day at the new school. We are talking about the child who nervously watches his classmates and then suddenly connects with another child. That kid has a little more confidence than he has himself. He or she smiles at him from the last row. Fortunately, he or she is someone who encourages him to sit next to him.

You also experience it when you start a new job.  Suddenly, something unimportant but unexpected happens. It makes you laugh, you and only one other person. A smile turns into laughter. You then discover that a special friendship has just been formed.

So are first impressions. They are full of coincidences, emotional nuances, sudden connections. These impressions are formed by quick glances, direct interpretations and common aspects.

We might think it’s magical. Yet it possesses many underlying biological and neurochemical factors. The areas of the brain that direct this kind of friendly spell are the amygdala and the anterior cingulate cortex.

The amygdala is connected with the emotions and more specifically with the impulses that have to do with our survival instinct. We all feel that having a good friend by our side will make life more bearable. It makes us feel more protected, happier and more content.

On the other hand, the anterior cingulate cortex is the sophisticated brain region that helps us make decisions.  This part of the brain also assigns values ​​to objects and people. Sometimes we do this in an incredibly fast way. It undoubtedly plays a role in “friendship at first sight.”

After the “friendship at first sight”

Jeremy C. Biesanz and Elizabeth W. Dunn, psychologists at Colombia University, were the authors of the study we mentioned in this article. They investigated the “friendly infatuation.” In this study, they came to a very interesting conclusion. “Friendship at first sight” exists. However, behind this friendship are sophisticated mechanisms that we must take into account.

When we connect with someone, we do so based on certain expectations. Think, for example, of that anxious child on his first day of school. He meets a smiling classmate. He will then say to himself that this child might be his ally in the unfamiliar and somewhat threatening school environment. He will also think that the child can be someone with whom he can share things, play with and rely on.

“Friendship at first sight” is actually a way of testing someone who we believe is similar to us and has common interests. We then see that person as someone worth investing our time and our emotional energy. Human beings are demanding. We also unconsciously always expect things in return. In the best of friendships, it’s a win-win situation. It is about giving and taking.

Finally, we can say that the “friendly crush” is real. Sometimes it only takes a few minutes to connect with someone in an intense and beautiful way. This first bond is based on minor biases. After that period, only time will tell us whether we guessed correctly or not.

After all, any long-lasting, meaningful, and valuable friendship relies on three things: trust, understanding, and positive emotional support.