Five Steps To Process A Traumatic Memory
Overcoming a traumatic memory is almost always very difficult. But you have to do it before it will harm the rest of your life. You can’t let it change your personality and who you really are.
Trauma is defined as a psychological wound from a negative event in your life. It has a dramatic effect on you and causes a lot of emotional pain.
You can not change the past. This experience that caused you so much pain (for example, the death of a loved one, an abusive relationship, child abuse) is part of who you are. Sometimes it can even be a valuable life lesson, even if you don’t realize it. It can help you prepare for similar situations in the future.
Resilience: how the traumatic memory develops
It’s strange, but there are people who come out stronger after a traumatic experience. You can turn traumas and weaknesses into positive things. You just need to make them a part of your life and adapt.
Making a traumatic memory positive is not only about your own abilities, however. It also depends on a variety of things involving different people and things, if you want to come out of the situation stronger and wiser.
A good example of resilience is the story of what happened to the Álvarez Belón family in December 2004. That day, María and Enrique enjoyed their Christmas vacation in Thailand with their three sons.
When the tsunami hit, their lives changed forever. Today, years after the tragedy claimed the lives of tens of thousands of people on the Pacific coast, the family is living a very normal life. They seem to coexist with the change that resulted from that terrible event.
Blocking your memories as a defense mechanism
Our memory is always selective, but it is especially selective about the memories we have of a traumatic event. In other words, in these situations, our memory activates a defense mechanism to ignore the past and keep moving forward.
The main purpose of this defense mechanism is to protect you from all the traumatic things you’ve been through. It blocks all your negative memories of it so you don’t have to suffer by reliving it. This “memory loss” acts as a shield against that which you cannot internalize because it is too painful.
It is very common to avoid all thoughts related to the traumatic memory. In fact, it’s common to avoid situations, activities, objects, or people that remind you of what happened. This defense mechanism ensures that you do not have to remember the trauma. But that doesn’t mean that all negative effects will suddenly go away. The pain, sadness, fear, and anger will linger in your mind.
How to overcome a traumatic memory
Trust the people around you
Try to surround yourself with people who listen to you and support you. Talk about what happened. Express your feelings about the memories that torture you and make it difficult to enjoy life. Reliable people will always support you and empathize with you.
Sometimes the trauma actually comes from what you perceived, and not from what actually happened. For example, you may have felt unloved or rejected in childhood. But that doesn’t mean it was.
All that matters here is that you experience it as if it were true. It means you’re still dealing with the effects of an emotional trauma, even if it didn’t happen exactly that way.
Take your time, let yourself be healed
There is always a process of healing that you must undergo after a traumatic experience. It doesn’t end until you have emotionally freed yourself. There is no way your mind and body will be affected when you go through such a negative experience, because traumatic experiences create behavioral and physical changes. They also change the way you go through life from then on.
How long it takes to go through this process depends only on the person. It is difficult to set fixed timelines or limits when it comes to emotions. The most important moment to look at is when you can look at the past and think about it without feeling the intense pain.
Get professional help
There are situations where the trauma has no apparent cause. The most important thing to do is find out where the trauma is coming from. You can’t try to get over it until after you’ve done that. It is always a good idea to see an expert in these types of situations. Processing the trauma through therapy will help you get to the roots of the emotional chaos.
Spend time on yourself
Try to refocus your life by thinking about what you will do in the future. Find support groups where they talk about similar experiences. That way you can express your doubts, fears and emotions in an intimate environment where people will understand where you come from.
Get back into your social life, go out with a group of friends. It is important to stay active. Taking classes or going to a meeting are both good distractions that can help boost your self-esteem. Do some exercise. Strength, flexibility and balance are the three pillars of good health, especially when dealing with a traumatic memory.
Give your life a purpose
Looking for purpose in life will boost your self-esteem and help you find reasons to do things. This way you avoid getting caught up in negativity. Moreover, it not only increases your resilience, but also prevents the traumatic memory from taking over your daily life.
Victor Frankl said that the search for purpose in life is the essence of our existence. He said our happiness depends on having a desire to explore the world we live in.
