Assertive Children Are Happy Children

Assertive children are happy children because they have learned to communicate exactly how they feel and what they want. Because standing up for themselves and because  they know their limits and thus improve their social performance.

Regardless of the fact that some people are good at interpersonal relationships, they naturally lack social competence. As a parent, or as an adult dealing with a child, remember that you are a role model for every little one you come into contact with. Be the example they must follow to develop healthy social skills.

We could say with confidence that sometimes we don’t give children the models they need. Yes, we want them to succeed in life, so we enroll them in the best schools (right after their birth). We pay and fill their schedules with all kinds of activities such as sports, music and languages.

We even go as far as to keep in touch with their teachers to make sure they are right on schedule. In addition, we also have a say in the kind of people they come into contact with, especially those they are friends with. We pay attention to everything they do, including their use of technology such as TV and electronic devices.

Isn’t it enough to raise assertive children?

Yes, you do your best as a parent. However, are you just as proud of your emotional intelligence? What about your social skills? We only ask because many of us take those things for granted. Things like self-esteem, assertiveness, and even self-image are part of our genetic code. In addition, they are formed as we grow.

Now let’s not get it wrong. These are qualities that should be cherished every day. It takes a delicate, intuitive and firm guiding hand to raise children with skills in every basic area. Skills that will bring them happiness and psychological well-being. Let’s take a closer look at an essential value: assertiveness.

How do you raise assertive children?

Raising assertive children requires patience and sensitivity. Often parents, mothers and even teachers say that there are two types of boys and girls:

• On the one hand, there are children who argue all the time. The ones who are always frustrated and sulking because they assume almost everyone is against them because they can’t do or have what they want when they want.
• On the other hand, there are also people who are withdrawn and passive. The ones who never express how they feel. In fact, they rarely complain. These are the children who are often the easy targets of bullies. Their lack of assertiveness often results in two extremes: passivity or aggressiveness. Unfortunately for them, neither of these two extremes has good consequences.

For example, being able to raise assertive children is a way to invest in their happiness. This is the subject of studies such as that of Gertrude E. Chittenden in the Society for Research in Child Development . We invest in and contribute to creating a respectful society.

Teach children about the world and show them their limits

To raise assertive children, you need to teach them this idea from an early age: the world is full of boundaries and we must all respect them. Raising a child is not just about telling what is good and what is bad.

There is much more to it than just morality. Things like politeness, respect for all living beings and the need to adapt to the social codes in order to live side by side. The world is full of physical, emotional and even financial boundaries. For example, we shouldn’t spend money on things we don’t need.

What is assertiveness?

Children understand more than we think. Moreover, they already understand much more than they can express before they speak fluently. So it’s never too early to teach them the following principles:

• “I can express what I feel without fear but with respect.”
• “Mommy and daddy won’t punish me for what I say. They are my safety net and I can express myself freely in their company. Plus, I can even tell them about my negative emotions: what scares me, what makes me angry, and what worries me.”
• “I have to listen to what others tell me and I have to do it with respect.”
• “I understand that I can’t always get what I want. Little by little I will learn to be patient and tolerate my frustration.”

Assertive children need role models

Another essential point here is that we cannot ask children to abide by rules that we do not follow ourselves. So, if you talk aggressively and disrespectfully to your partner, your children will adopt your communication style. If you want to raise assertive and happy children, be more than a role model. Also be their daily source of inspiration.

Teach them their duties, but respect their choices

Children will at some point demand their own space and privacy. It’s something parents should respect. This way you earn their trust and they feel safe to share things with you at any time.

Another way to increase their assertiveness is to give them age-appropriate responsibilities. It enhances their sense of competence and self-esteem.

Emotional intelligence and assertiveness

Finally, parents and teachers should teach the children emotional intelligence. It will help them manage their emotions, control their impulses and improve their social skills. Emotional communication is fundamental to their daily lives.

As you can see, there are many concepts and values ​​that you need to instill in your children. It will open up a whole new world for them and little by little they will become assertive.

It is an adventure that will last forever. There will be bad times and good times, so be patient. Above all, be attentive. Be that kind observer who knows when to step in.