Five Lessons We Forget As We Get Older

Forgetfulness, or being forgotten, and oh there is so much that we forget, is a remarkable phenomenon. It is often anarchic, erratic and almost always faithful to repetition, something we learned all too well during our college years. It is also true to those memories that we keep inside, charged with emotion. Maybe it’s the memory of a particular occasion, like the first time we went to the circus. Or maybe it’s the memory of different occasions, of all those bedtime stories that were told to us so patiently and with affection. Because there is nothing that makes us dream more beautiful than a good story.

Time passes and our grandparents watch with concern, but not without joy, our efforts to outgrow their reach. They see us as small, but at the same time they imagine us as giants. And so they search the whole house, looking for a pencil to mark on the wall evidence that we are a little taller today than we were yesterday.

We learn, but we also forget

On our way to heaven we learn that patience usually pays more than our impulses. We learn that life can be very beautiful, but also that surprises are in a small corner. We see how the sky becomes cloudy, how it rains and how the sun shines again. We appreciate how nature is a matter of cycles and realize that many of the processes we go through also work in this way. We discover that heroes do not exist, but that they are parents and that parents fail and make mistakes. However, we will rarely find anything as perfect as the way they love us.

But we don’t just learn, we also forget a few things. So, if you feel like it, we’ll stay in the land of oblivion for a while. Let’s see what we can find there!

We forget to negotiate

Children are great negotiators. Count on that. For them, denial is the most important negotiating principle. They are stubborn, persistent and believe in their own potential. They know which card to play and when. This way they know exactly when is the right time to ask something. Namely when their parents are happy and more flexible or when their parents are tired and their resistance is lower. Also an opportune time is when their parents are in the midst of an important issue and their priority is to get the negotiations with their children out of the way as quickly as possible.

We forget to insist

Another thing children are very good at is insisting. You said no? Well, I’ll show you the biggest faithful dog eyes you’ve ever seen. You still say no? Then you really didn’t look at my face. Look at me! Are you still not convinced? Well, then it’s time to make you an offer. If you give me what I want now, I promise I’ll be sweet all day long. No results yet? Well, then I’ll sit down here, in the middle of the street, until we treat the matter with the seriousness it deserves.

Okay, now you’re starting to get nervous. You don’t like this situation. I want you to know that I don’t like not getting what I want either. If you try to pull me and make me walk, I will resist and start using strategies that you wouldn’t use, such as throwing myself on the floor. You’re already very nervous because everyone is looking at us. Okay, okay, if I can’t go to the park like this this afternoon, I’ll get up. But listen to me first, you didn’t give me what I wanted now, but you promise we’ll go this afternoon, right? Together with my faithful dog eyes, of course.

As adults, we often lose this natural tendency to push. We just forget we were ever so good at it. Especially when the negative reaction comes from other people and not from reality. Sometimes fear and ease serve as obstacles and we settle for the answer we already have. They make us send our desires to the land of oblivion.

We forget to ask questions when we don’t know something

As we get older, we form an image of ourselves. We don’t know for sure how others see us, but we kind of sense it. At the same time, there are certain features that we would rather not include in the image we project. We are not liars or manipulators. We are not arrogant. Of course we are not ignorant either. Or at least not more ignorant than other people.

Although our attitude seems to be the multiplying factor of knowledge and social support in our lives, there was a not too distant past when knowledge itself was the most important. For example, knowledge was the only thing a company had to consider when it came to hiring. So it was not a good idea to appear ignorant.

What do children do? They ask more and more questions. It doesn’t matter whether the subject is sensitive, interesting or unimportant. They want to know how, why, where it comes from, or what consequences it has. Just as we do deep down in our hearts, they assume they don’t know much. But unlike us, they don’t understand how questions can negatively affect their image. For them, the fascination for knowledge outweighs how they appear. A fascination that we forget as we grow up, not always, but often enough.

We forget to say what we think

It is nine o’clock. We are about to arrive and our legs are shaking a little. What kind of people will they be? Will they like us? We should have put on better clothes. Let’s take a deep breath. One two Three…

The door opens and it is the mother of the bride standing in the doorway. She smiles at us, we smile back. She invites us in and we try our best not to trip over the doormat. Some polite questions are asked and before we know it, after some awkward chatter, a dish is in front of us that we don’t like. We just don’t like it, not even a little bit. However, who would dare refuse when it is ‘the specialty of the house’. A dish that the chef can prepare so well. We close our eyes and eat it.

The same situation occurs on our second visit. Only this time we get a double portion. And just like this particular situation, there are so many other situations in life where we try our best not to appear rude. Purely and only because we are afraid of offending others.

A child will hardly be able to tolerate a situation that he does not like. He does not banish what he thinks to the land of oblivion, he does not forget his opinions. On our way to adulthood, it would be a natural development to express this same behavior, but with more self-control, possibly thanks to the development of the prefrontal cortex and the assimilation of certain social norms. This means being careful not to offend anyone.

We forget to strive for new experiences

If there is one thing that characterizes childhood, it is that it is a time of discovery, a time of first times. The first time we threw an object on the floor and found out what happened. The first time we walked independently or the first time we were allowed to sleep with a friend without the strict supervision of our parents.

Those first times not only bring the excitement of experiencing them, but also feed the imagination by fantasizing about them before they happen. We will rarely see a child pass up the opportunity to try something new just because he is tired. A child’s curiosity is much more powerful than the cozy feeling of sticking with what he already knows. Of course, children are also afraid of change, but they experience it with passion. Only in rare cases do they endanger themselves.

The precious land of oblivion where we forget what our values ​​are

Something we also forget in this regard is that today is better than tomorrow when it comes to the good stuff. This is something we often suddenly remember when the realization of the finiteness of life hits us in the face. We see this in people who have had a near-death experience. They become very childish in a way. They restore that urgency not only to obligations, but also to dreams.

Another thing kids are really good at is talking openly about what they admire in others. They are not afraid to admit that they cannot do something. Nor are they afraid to admit that someone else can do it better than them. Of course they won’t leave it at that and you will hear them say that they too will become good at it one day. Finally, we can say that most children have an inexhaustible confidence in their own potential. They have no reason to stop thinking they can become what they admire. No reason to forgo what they want.