I Didn’t Come Back For You, But For My Ego: Getting Back Together
Why do some of our exes come back into our lives when we’re just okay again? Some relationships are flashing light relationships, the two partners keep getting back together, this is an unrewarding situation.
The person in question who wasn’t there for us when we needed him so much returns just as we’ve got ourselves back together. And often these people come back not for us, but for their own ego.
The ego likes everything that is in line with its expectations. When our ego dominates our way of loving, we find ourselves in a game of Russian roulette where we win when our most capricious and selfish desires are satisfied.
Above all, people with a big ego are looking for recognition from other people and especially from their partners. Because they don’t give themselves credit.
To create a relationship that is satisfying for both people, we must negotiate the desires of our ‘I’. Only then will we have a relationship where both parties feel good. The love we want is just as important as the love we give.
The ego has no idea what love is
The flashing light relationship is an exhausting, destructive dynamic. Often this happens because one of the two people wants to stay in the early stages of infatuation. But this holds back the relationship of growth and maturation.
People who love in a self-centered way think they still have something to say about their ex-partners. That’s why they try to get their exes back, especially when they see the other person getting their life back on track.
They think they have the right to walk into their ex’s life and leave whenever they want. They think they have a right to repossess the tidy, clean new places their ex spent so much time in.
But nothing good comes from getting back together with your ex, only to fall back into the same situation and misuse the space that other person has worked so hard to create.
If you’re the one trying to get their ex back, take a moment and think about all the effort you’ve put in to recover from the breakup and what you deserve.
Some people get back together and use this premise: ‘better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know’. Other people do it out of fear of being alone.
And some people do it because they have no one to feed their egos, fulfill their desires or tell them how wonderful they are.
Getting back together.. Can it be good?
After a breakup, the desire to be with the person we share so many memories with can be very strong. But… be very careful.
According to experts, before taking that step, we should think about it for a while. During that time, there’s work to be done: identify and evaluate the reasons for getting back together, both yours and your ex’s.
For example, thinking that the other person will change the things we didn’t like about them is an expectation that the other person has a hard time meeting.
On the other hand, if you do get back together, it must be because you like each other just the way you are, with all your good and bad qualities. But you need to be clear about what you don’t like about each other and what’s important to you, so that your relationship doesn’t fall apart again for the same reasons.
Getting back together is a decision so important that we shouldn’t make it impulsively.
It is true that we can listen to this impulse and even put it on the scale, but the previous breakup and the effort we have put into healing ourselves again… deserve careful consideration.
