Infatuation Is To Give Yourself, To Love Is To Desire

This word surrounds my soul when I hear your name:  love . A word I don’t use with just anyone, especially when it comes to my feelings. For it is true  that I cannot say that I love you nor that I long for you. Loving someone and being in love are not the same.

Although every time I think of it I feel happy, I can’t say I miss you every moment of every day… I thought you would always be there for me, waiting for me like you always have. The number of stars in the sky is less than the number of times I would have loved to kiss, hug and feel you with me. And now I can’t stop thinking about being with other people.

Every time I kiss other lips I’m overwhelmed by your scent

Could it be that I need you? I can’t answer that question yet. All I know is that I feel so happy when we are together.

The months pass, but the memory of you keeps coming back. Every time my phone rings I think it’s you and I think of your beautiful smile and your sweet look every time you look at me. Because  when I kiss other lips, I smell your scent again and I think of your gestures, your words and also your silence…

I’m not lying when I say  you are and always will be a part of me. You are part of my essence, because you showed me an amazing part of life. That place where heaven and earth come together to enjoy the best part of humanity:  the eternal memory.

I have often wondered if…

I wonder if what we had, you and me, was true love. And to me it’s becoming increasingly clear that it wasn’t love, but it was part of something wonderful. Something for which there are no words and that only the brave dare to name. Because  when it comes to my feelings for you, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care. 

I would also hide my eternal emotions from you if I told you that I don’t think about your warm pillow every night and how you gently touch my hair. I’ve already deleted your phone number several times to try to forget you and move on with my life. But none of that works, because even though I don’t want to,  I keep thinking about everything that has to do with your world, which was once ours together, and your heart.

Love is built every day

The truth is, everything that happens to you just happens. It’s happening and it’s real, because love is built every day with moments like these that last forever. The warmest emotions come to light and they happen… They have truth and consequences in reality.

It’s true  that my feelings, as you can feel, are unclear because they fade, but they keep coming back, like shooting stars. They are filled with doubts and perhaps too many expectations about the illusions of love.

I blame the immaturity and my lack of experience, not knowing what I wanted and not even being able to appreciate you in the way you deserved. This is the truth and that which will make me see you in my eternity, in every one of my tears I cry for your heart.

I’d be lying if I said  my soul remembers all I’ve lost because I wasn’t complete. I just can’t help feeling that I love you but that I’m not in love with you. Because being in love is giving yourself and loving is that you want the distant heart of the other.