Not Being Assertive Means Giving Up Your Rights

Assertiveness is a social skill that people sometimes give up of their own free will to avoid conflict. Some people do it because they just don’t like being assertive. Yet people cherish this ability when they are children. But as they mature, they struggle to defend their own rights. And not being assertive means giving up your rights.

But assertiveness is necessary if you want to be part of the world without being hurt. Because otherwise you end up being a victim of other people and you don’t know how to cut them out of your life.

In this article we give you an overview of a number of basic rights. If you take an assertive stance, you will be able to defend your rights. If you don’t, people will try to restrict your rights if you let them.

The right to judge yourself

You have the right to form and defend your own opinions. Other people should not judge you for your views or intimidate you into changing them. You must be able to develop your own opinions and judgments regardless of popular opinion.

This right means that you can have consistent views and express your own beliefs. But sometimes you find that there is no correspondence between your beliefs and your actions. You don’t know how to solve it in an easy way. This can feel uncomfortable.

We give an example. Some people think that smoking is bad for your health, but they sell cigarettes themselves. Or people give in to temptation and then can’t stop tormenting themselves about it.

When you defend the right to judge who you are or what you do, you may do so according to your own beliefs, not those of others. You will decide which reference points to use and how high you set the bar.

According to Smith, the following sentences are some examples of thought patterns that can sabotage this right:

• “If I can’t convince others that my goals are worthwhile, it’s because I’m wrong or because my desires are unacceptable.”
• “We have to keep some things to ourselves. Our mission is to listen and learn.”

One of your rights is to choose for yourself what you take responsibility for

The duties for which you are responsible include taking care of yourself and your children if you have them. You can choose whether or not to accept all other responsibilities based on your own terms and conditions. No one should judge you for that.

You can give your colleagues a helping hand if you see that they are struggling with something. But you are not obliged to do so unless it is part of your job description or if you have committed yourself to it before.

You have the right to put your own interests ahead of those of others. If you don’t, you deserve recognition for giving someone priority when you didn’t have to.

Some people know exactly how to take this right from others. Just think of the kids who always leave their room in a mess. They know their mother will clean it up soon. Or just think of the coworker who asks someone else for help and then later blames that person for every mistake they made.

The right to withhold a statement

This right is most often violated in romantic relationships. Some people tell others what they want to hear in order to silence them. Others fear that they will make them angry because they think they are obligated to give an explanation.

Statements are a form of courtesy where you choose whether or not to give them. No one needs to know what you do or how you do it. If people are allowed to exercise this right as lawyers in a courtroom, why not with other types of assessments?

There are certain situations that prompt people to demand an explanation. Jealous people often ask for explanations repeatedly because they want to feel secure. But you should know that you are not obligated to give in to them, even if they are so persistent that it turns from a question to a requirement.

You have the power to choose what you share with others. This is a wonderful thing because it gives you the ability to control your privacy and choose who you confide in.

Some more rights you can defend by being assertive

So far, we’ve outlined some of the most important rights you can defend by being assertive. Here’s a brief overview of some other important rights:

• The right to change your mind.
• The right to make mistakes.
• You have the right to say “I don’t know.”
• The right to do things without the approval of other people.
• The right to make choices that are not logical, consistent or popular.
• You have the right not to understand or meet the expectations of others.
• The right to be imperfect.

There are people who will be inclined to violate any of these rights. This can happen consciously or unconsciously. But it’s up to you to be assertive in a respectful way and to defend yourself and your rights.