Protecting Parents And The Obsession With Children

When you are a parent, protecting your children is always a top priority. Even when they know it’s impossible, many parents can’t stop themselves from protecting their children from all the real, probable, and improbable dangers they might encounter in their path. However, protecting your children and never wanting them to lack anything can become an obsession.

What normally happens is that parents come to realize that it is impossible to protect their children from any threat, especially once they become more independent. However careful they are, they cannot spare their children all the suffering. And this is not the intention. Ultimately, it is part of the stimuli that children need to grow up.

However, some parents choose not to accept this. They also occupy a sort of “omnipotent” position when it comes to their children’s lives. They think that if they are there, nothing bad can happen. As if there aren’t thousands of dangers that are impossible to avoid, even for a parent who goes out of their way to do just that.

Protecting your children becomes an obsession. Parents are constantly watching over their children and eventually this exhausts them completely. In addition, these types of parents are usually suspicious of everything and everyone.

Protecting children vs. restricting children

Without realizing it, any parent who fits into this picture we paint will become limiting. The word ‘No’ is uttered all the time and is almost always accompanied by a warning or a threat. “Don’t do that… because something else will happen to you soon.”

They also unintentionally – or at least not consciously – limit their child’s experiences to quite a serious degree. “We shouldn’t go to the park because it’s really cold and you might catch something.” “Don’t stay out too long because anything can happen.”

Animals spread disease, fire burns, water seeps… Everything and everyone becomes a huge danger. These parents feel that only their presence can stop all this danger. Worse is when the child believes it to be true.

Obsession and control

Parents obsessed with protecting their children will simply say they want to spare them all the suffering. They will also say it is for their own good. If someone questions their parenting style, they have arguments ready to defend their beliefs.

In fact, it often ends up being an accusation against other people. So-and-so left their child alone and so he fell and broke his finger. So-and-so doesn’t take care of his children and look how badly brought up they are.

However, what these parents call “protection” is actually something much less appealing. The correct word is therefore ‘control.’ They are controlling parents who have no problem controlling their children’s lives and protecting them to the extreme.

These parents want to watch over every step their children take. They want to play a direct role in every project their children start. Above all, they want to always be there, like an ‘almighty’ shadow. And they will usually continue to hold that attitude long after their children have left childhood.

What lies behind an obsession

Every parent at some point feels inclined to treat their child as a possession. This does not mean that they are bad people. No, watching children grow up and be fully responsible for them just creates a very powerful bond. And not everyone is ready to experience such a deep connection and be aware of the inherent risks associated with it.

Behind the obsession of parents is actually a desire. They may want to make the relationship with their children last as long as possible. They don’t want to accept that they won’t always need them for everything, that it’s just part and parcel of their children eventually living their lives without their parents. What lies behind the obsession is the fear of admitting that their relationship will have to change, that they have to slowly but surely break up.

It is entirely possible that these obsessive parents have had negative experiences with loss. And they may still have some issues to deal with.

They are terrified of the possibility that their children will no longer need them, and that they will venture out to face the world alone. That’s when these parents scare their kids and show them all the terrible things that can happen when their protectors aren’t around.

Sometimes excessive worry also hides a kind of denial. For example, the parent does not love his child as much as he would like. And he wards off that feeling by unconsciously being overly protective. Whatever the case, there’s always something that’s not quite right when it comes to obsessively protecting your kids. Something worth finding out.