What Genuine Listening Means For Our Relationships

Can you listen to people well? Or do you just hear the words come out of their mouths, while the true meaning of them completely eludes you? Genuine listening is essential for good interpersonal communication.

We can define sincere listening in many ways. However, what all these definitions have in common is that there are two main ingredients that should not be missing: understanding and caring. These two characteristics are the foundation of genuine listening.

When you listen sincerely, you make an effort to really understand the message of the person speaking. In addition, we let them know that we understand what they are trying to convey. It also means that we are psychologically available and listen attentively to the speaker’s message.

The opposite of sincere listening is distracted listening. That is when you are physically present, but your mind is elsewhere. You are busy in your head with all kinds of things, but not with what the person sitting in front of you is trying to share with you.

This comes across as not appreciating what the person is trying to say and negatively impacts your ability to understand their message. Sincere listening, on the other hand, helps you empathize with and understand the emotions of others.

Communication problems are often due in large part to not knowing how to listen. We are constantly thinking about our own opinion. Our main goal is to let the other person know our position on what they are saying.

When this is the case, the essence of communication is lost. Many of us are mistakenly convinced that listening is automatic. But it does not work like that. Listening takes more effort than talking.

If you really want to listen to others, read between the lines

We attach great importance to verbal communication. Despite this, 60% to 80% of our communication with others is non-verbal. Thus, for communication to be effective, there must be a correlation between speech and non-verbal expression. There is a parallel when it comes to listening sincerely: it is just as important to listen as it is to make the other person feel like we are listening to them.

Sincere listening means listening and understanding from the speaker’s perspective. We are talking about the ability to understand his feelings, ideas and thoughts. In addition, understanding another person takes a certain amount of empathy. You have to be able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

Non-verbal language influences our actions and reactions, both to ourselves and to others. Listening to the message behind the words means understanding and interpreting what you see and hear. Understanding doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything the other person says. But it does mean that you have to listen with interest.

Sincere listening is the best remedy for loneliness

Most people prefer to talk rather than listen. When we talk about ourselves, we activate areas of the brain related to pleasure. So it makes sense that we would rather listen to ourselves than to other people.

Dale Carnegie wrote a book that has been read by more people in the US than the Bible. The title was How to Win Friends and Influence People. Hundreds of millions of people took advantage of his philosophy and methods to improve their relationships.

Carnegie focused on the trust that genuine listening creates. That trust has a positive influence on personal relationships. Trust also helps us create new relationships and strengthen existing ones.

Sincere listening gives you the opportunity to create bonds based on mutual understanding. Forget what you are doing; listen sincerely to the other person. Even if what he tells you seems wrong or irrelevant. Listening this way allows the other person to express themselves exactly as they want.

When you listen carefully, without interrupting the speaker, the speaker feels relaxed. That person can express themselves undisturbed and reveal their true feelings.

In short, sometimes you have the power to help other people without lifting a finger. However, most of the time you are not aware of it. Sincere listening is a gift, and we must use it. It helps us to understand people better. And it makes other people feel more connected to us. Yes, listening sincerely will improve our relationships. After all, you reap what you sow…

Bibliography

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Martin-Barbero, J. (1978). Comunicación masiva: discurso y poder (no. 04; HM258, M37). Quito: Ciespal.

Subiela García, JA, Abellón Ruiz, J., Celdrán Baños, A.I., Manzanares Lázaro, J. Á., & Satorres Ramis, B. (2014). La importancia de la Escucha Activa and la intervention Enfermera. Enfermeria Global, 13 (34), 276-292.

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